Dear God, help me. I’m sort of in a slump. Tomorrow I’m supposed to hit the road again to go back on tour… only that won’t be happening. Because of a series of abusive and horrible events, I left the tour and now… I’m just trying to get back on my feet.
Thankfully, I am surrounded by people who love me and support me but I can’t help but feel unsettled. I don’t like that I’m struggling.
I’ve been fiercly independent for as long as I can remember. For the past 6 months, I have struggled financially and it’s not fun at all. Trying to balance graduate school, thesis writing, dreams and aspirations; all while being broke and having to depend on other people sucks. It sucks major ass.
I feel like a disappointment and a burden to just about everyone. Am I? Probably not. I just feel that way and it bothers me more than I can adquately explain. I don’t like that I’m 27 and I don’t have my shit together. I feel like, as a 27-year-old, I should have more going for me.
The thing that makes my journey difficult is that I’ve never wanted a 9-5 sort of occupation. And no, I don’t look down on people who have 9-5 jobs. I just feel like that isn’t for me. I want to create, explore, and travel. As long as I remember I’ve wanted to write, act, sing… do something with all the creativity swirling within me. I don’t want to feel trapped.
I mean, I could suck it up and work “a nice desk job” and I have but, I want to follow my dreams while I’m “young” and have nothing to lose. I know that people look down on the arts. People look down on acting. People look down on just everything I’ve ever done. But I have to take the risk, right?